You know when you exercise there is a point where you literally think you can’t continue on. For me this point usually hits at about 5 minutes into what ever I am doing. All of a sudden your body begins revolting against everything your motivation is trying to get you to push through. Sometimes we give in and it goes away, but if you continue pushing through there is a point where your body, no matter how out of shape you are, settles in to the cadence of whatever you are trying to do. Now it doesn't mean you’re not tired or that you don’t feel the burn, but the feeling that you simply are going to fall out and die right there passes and at least for a time (me about 20-30 minutes) I can continue to push myself.
Now, I know this about my body and I know that it is coming every single time I work out, but for some reason when I hit that point, I again, think I need to call 911 bc I am gonna hit the floor at any moment. It just feels like it will never release its hold on me. I know that just like last time if I only have faith and keep looking forward that it will pass and the workout will get easier, but far to often I find myself lost in doubt and the grumbling begins and sometimes I choose to give in even though I know it is a trick and if I just pushed on I would be okay.
I think sometimes in life we hit that “wall” like we do in exercise. I know for me when I encounter significant change I will hit a wall.
I actually adapt rather easily to change, but still just like anyone the unexpected creeps up and fatigue sets in from a new routine or the emotional toll of the change eventually catches up with you and you find yourself up against a wall.
You haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe in fact you’ve actually done everything right, but there, that wall still sits and waits for you. You know if you can just push through that pain, that change, that disappointment it will be better on the other side…even if nothing changes.
I have hit that wall. The wall in my life right now is my new job, which really translates more into the new lifestyle involved with me not being a stay-at-home parent right now. I long for that time and I miss it, but there are still some great things I see from working full-time as well. I recognize that this might be a season of my life or it might be more of a permanent change. Either way, right now it hurts, it burns and I want to throw in the towel and run back to what I know.
The fatigue, both physical and emotional, of being on someone else time, someone else’s priorities along with having to fully rely on God to keep my children safe in my absence and help my husband handle the stress of home life along with that of finding a job, is difficult, demanding and completely overwhelming at times.
However, just like in my workout I can see that this feeling is temporary. In a few weeks nothing in my life may look any different, but I will probably feel that wall easing down as my body and mind adjust. One thing I have realized is that I need for my heart to adjust as well and this is the part I must submit to God. I can continue to worry over my children and my husband and mull over not being able to do this or that, but at some point I have to choose who I will serve and how I will serve in this new part of my life…in this part of my heart.
God gave us this opportunity as a way to help us have provision while my husband looks for a job and I need to center my heart in gratitude for this blessing. I had a moment with God in the car on the way home from work the other day. I was mumbling and griping about not being able to do things or have things my way- you know a grown- up tantrum, when I literally felt God lift my eyes from myself and say to my heart, “Laurie, this isn’t just about what opportunity I have given you to provide for your family. It is not just about a job. At this moment, for reasons yet unknown to you, this is what I have called you to. It may not make sense, but it is just as real and necessary in your life at this moment as you being a stay-at-home parent for the past 7 years.”
Now, I don’t doubt that God wants to give me the desires of my heart and allow me to at some point return to the stay-at-home-mom status I had once before, but that little conversation did help me. It helped me see that I was seeing this experience as if it were all about me, instead of asking God to use me in this experience for Him.
Walls can be tricky. They can be deceptive. They can loom much higher than they actually are and sometimes when we don’t trust that God has great thing son the other side of it we loose hope and throw in the towel.
I think I might pull out some metaphorical Sharpies and draw some friendly (clean) graffiti on mine to make the process of it coming down a little more enjoyable.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Moving Mountains
I just finished a post on my personal blog about God moving mountains. It was inspired by the song, "Mighty to Save," that Hillsong, among others, sings but it is quite a powerful song. Here it is below...
Read below and I hope you will share with me the acknowledgment of how awesome, powerful, capable and mighty to save the God we serve is! No matter what you are facing I know our God loves you as much as He loves my son and He is right there ready to move any mountain you are facing. Just close your eyes, raise your hands, praise Him for His mercy even during your suffering and no matter where you are God will find you. He has said he will search the depths for you and He WILL find you!
It was a moment...that I won't forget. I walked into church today about 2 minutes late and the music had already started. We were good and settled in by the second song, which was "Mighty to Save," and is one of my absolute favorite songs.
Now every time we have sung this song in church it has been my Sunday morning to sing on praise team, but this morning I stood before my fellow "team" mates who were leading me in worship today and I was amazed by the power of the Holy Spirit's presence. It was one of those moments where you could actually feel the presence in the midst of a huge group and you knew something was coming.
During this song I happen to look down at Braden(5) standing beside me holding my hand. Typically, children in our church stay during the opening set until the children's time and then they leave to go to "Children's Church," until they are in Kindergarten and after that they stay the entire time.
Like a lightening bolt of electricity into my head in the middle of worshiping during this song I was convicted by God through the Holy Spirit(don't doubt it) that today Braden would stay and have his first communion. It wasn't a choice, it was a certainty. Today was the day and for what ever reason it was important that it was today.
On December the 8th, 2003 I released my 7-day-old son Tyler(Braden's identical twin) from my arms to spend eternity with our Lord, the next day when Braden almost died too I hit my knees at 2am in the hospital and begged God for his life. I promised Him that I wanted this child and would take him no matter what; no matter what complications, (surely there were going to be some from a child 12 weeks premature in heart, lung, liver and lung failure), no matter what hardships like the blindness, cerebral palsy or deafness they were almost convinced he already suffered from, no matter what inconvenience it brought to my life, I begged God to please, "let me keep him."
In that prayer I promised God my life would be committed to making sure that he knew the Lord and knew what God had done for him and helping him grow to be the man God intended him to be. In hindsight this is the defining moment in my life. The moment when everything else disappeared and I choose that day who I was going to serve. A moment where free will met with God's grace and mercy. My obedience was to still honor God despite the unreal pain of letting go of one child just the night before and showing up to the other also dying.
That night God swept through my heart, but I believe He also swept through Braden's as he made it start beating again and allowed his lungs to finally agree to let one of the ventilators work to breath for him as soon as my prayer of begging, but yet still asking for God's will to be done ended.
When I returned to the door of the NICU from praying and we looked through the tiny frosted glass that for the last 45 minutes we had been peering through only to see the doctors and nurses still frantically breathing oxygen into manually and pumping his heart for him; they stopped moving frantically. The high-pitched noise of the breathing bag stopped and as we watched the doctor who had just spent nearly an hour with our son start to walk towards that frosted glass window that we were on the other side of, we had no idea if it was to tell us he was alive or not.
That night God choose an amazing doctor to save Braden's physical life, but there is no doubt in my mind that it was that night that God claimed Braden. Whatever God has planned for Braden He needed my attention and my commitment to always trust Him and know that He knew what was best for my children and that they are simply on loan to me to share this journey with.
The road was rocky and it was months before they would even consider the fact that Braden might not die. When he was 10 months old and had been home from the hospital for a few months cold weather was approaching and Braden was going to be put on house arrest by his doctor until May. He was still on oxygen and would be for a long time, but I felt convicted that he needed to be baptized, but there were no open spaces until Nov. Our pastors were able to figure it all out and the first week of October sweet baby Braden met our church congregation as the praise team sang Selah's, "You Raise me Up."
(yes, that's him in my arms with his oxygen on)
Most people who were there knew how biter sweet a moment that was. His future was still so uncertain and our hearts were still hurting so badly from our loss, but we wanted to publicly praise God and thank Him for this child no matter what.
Today was one of those moments where God lets the sweetness of life sweep all over you and I cried tears of joy as I sang knowing how far Braden has come and how faithful and merciful God is by bringing him through all of that. And despite my prayer that I would take him, want him and beg for him no matter what the cost, He allowed Braden to be completely healed with no complications, no long term issues, no delays...nothing, except a heart wide-open for God. Braden loves the Lord like I have never seen in a child and he understands God in a way that most adults don't. Healing doesn't always come in the way we hope or in the time we hope. We learned that with Tyler, but it does come in God's timing and for Gods glory, but God is always right there ready to put His arms around us and gently turn our face to the path that the light is shining on.
5 years later that same doctor stays in touch with us and has said Braden was the sickest baby they ever had to make it out.
This morning I asked Braden if he wanted to take his first communion knowing full well what the answer would be. It was a resounding and joyful, YES!!! He was so excited and sat patiently all through "Big Church" waiting. He listened to Pastor Judy's explanation of the bread and the cup and then he wanted to get into his buddy, Pastor Brad's line. As we waited I just thanked God for every second with this child and for this, the sweetness of life.
As it was his turn I knelt down with him and cupped my hands up underneath his and the pastor placed the bread in his hands knowing this was his first communion. Scott was brought to tears behind us and then we knelt and prayed. My mind could have been on Scott's 8 long months without a job, or provision for the things we need, but in this moment all I could do was acknowledge, just like the song says that, "Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save, " and what God has done for Braden will be more than I could have ever imagined.
(Braden, now 5, attempting a cannon ball)
Whatever mountains you are facing...the God I know can move them.
Oh the sweetness. Thank you God for the claim you have on this child. I will probably just go ahead and start crying now and continue on for the next 3 weeks and 2 days until he starts Kindergarten.
Read below and I hope you will share with me the acknowledgment of how awesome, powerful, capable and mighty to save the God we serve is! No matter what you are facing I know our God loves you as much as He loves my son and He is right there ready to move any mountain you are facing. Just close your eyes, raise your hands, praise Him for His mercy even during your suffering and no matter where you are God will find you. He has said he will search the depths for you and He WILL find you!
It was a moment...that I won't forget. I walked into church today about 2 minutes late and the music had already started. We were good and settled in by the second song, which was "Mighty to Save," and is one of my absolute favorite songs.
Now every time we have sung this song in church it has been my Sunday morning to sing on praise team, but this morning I stood before my fellow "team" mates who were leading me in worship today and I was amazed by the power of the Holy Spirit's presence. It was one of those moments where you could actually feel the presence in the midst of a huge group and you knew something was coming.
During this song I happen to look down at Braden(5) standing beside me holding my hand. Typically, children in our church stay during the opening set until the children's time and then they leave to go to "Children's Church," until they are in Kindergarten and after that they stay the entire time.
Like a lightening bolt of electricity into my head in the middle of worshiping during this song I was convicted by God through the Holy Spirit(don't doubt it) that today Braden would stay and have his first communion. It wasn't a choice, it was a certainty. Today was the day and for what ever reason it was important that it was today.
On December the 8th, 2003 I released my 7-day-old son Tyler(Braden's identical twin) from my arms to spend eternity with our Lord, the next day when Braden almost died too I hit my knees at 2am in the hospital and begged God for his life. I promised Him that I wanted this child and would take him no matter what; no matter what complications, (surely there were going to be some from a child 12 weeks premature in heart, lung, liver and lung failure), no matter what hardships like the blindness, cerebral palsy or deafness they were almost convinced he already suffered from, no matter what inconvenience it brought to my life, I begged God to please, "let me keep him."
In that prayer I promised God my life would be committed to making sure that he knew the Lord and knew what God had done for him and helping him grow to be the man God intended him to be. In hindsight this is the defining moment in my life. The moment when everything else disappeared and I choose that day who I was going to serve. A moment where free will met with God's grace and mercy. My obedience was to still honor God despite the unreal pain of letting go of one child just the night before and showing up to the other also dying.
That night God swept through my heart, but I believe He also swept through Braden's as he made it start beating again and allowed his lungs to finally agree to let one of the ventilators work to breath for him as soon as my prayer of begging, but yet still asking for God's will to be done ended.
When I returned to the door of the NICU from praying and we looked through the tiny frosted glass that for the last 45 minutes we had been peering through only to see the doctors and nurses still frantically breathing oxygen into manually and pumping his heart for him; they stopped moving frantically. The high-pitched noise of the breathing bag stopped and as we watched the doctor who had just spent nearly an hour with our son start to walk towards that frosted glass window that we were on the other side of, we had no idea if it was to tell us he was alive or not.
That night God choose an amazing doctor to save Braden's physical life, but there is no doubt in my mind that it was that night that God claimed Braden. Whatever God has planned for Braden He needed my attention and my commitment to always trust Him and know that He knew what was best for my children and that they are simply on loan to me to share this journey with.
The road was rocky and it was months before they would even consider the fact that Braden might not die. When he was 10 months old and had been home from the hospital for a few months cold weather was approaching and Braden was going to be put on house arrest by his doctor until May. He was still on oxygen and would be for a long time, but I felt convicted that he needed to be baptized, but there were no open spaces until Nov. Our pastors were able to figure it all out and the first week of October sweet baby Braden met our church congregation as the praise team sang Selah's, "You Raise me Up."
(yes, that's him in my arms with his oxygen on)Most people who were there knew how biter sweet a moment that was. His future was still so uncertain and our hearts were still hurting so badly from our loss, but we wanted to publicly praise God and thank Him for this child no matter what.
Today was one of those moments where God lets the sweetness of life sweep all over you and I cried tears of joy as I sang knowing how far Braden has come and how faithful and merciful God is by bringing him through all of that. And despite my prayer that I would take him, want him and beg for him no matter what the cost, He allowed Braden to be completely healed with no complications, no long term issues, no delays...nothing, except a heart wide-open for God. Braden loves the Lord like I have never seen in a child and he understands God in a way that most adults don't. Healing doesn't always come in the way we hope or in the time we hope. We learned that with Tyler, but it does come in God's timing and for Gods glory, but God is always right there ready to put His arms around us and gently turn our face to the path that the light is shining on.
5 years later that same doctor stays in touch with us and has said Braden was the sickest baby they ever had to make it out.
This morning I asked Braden if he wanted to take his first communion knowing full well what the answer would be. It was a resounding and joyful, YES!!! He was so excited and sat patiently all through "Big Church" waiting. He listened to Pastor Judy's explanation of the bread and the cup and then he wanted to get into his buddy, Pastor Brad's line. As we waited I just thanked God for every second with this child and for this, the sweetness of life.
As it was his turn I knelt down with him and cupped my hands up underneath his and the pastor placed the bread in his hands knowing this was his first communion. Scott was brought to tears behind us and then we knelt and prayed. My mind could have been on Scott's 8 long months without a job, or provision for the things we need, but in this moment all I could do was acknowledge, just like the song says that, "Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save, " and what God has done for Braden will be more than I could have ever imagined.
(Braden, now 5, attempting a cannon ball)Whatever mountains you are facing...the God I know can move them.
Oh the sweetness. Thank you God for the claim you have on this child. I will probably just go ahead and start crying now and continue on for the next 3 weeks and 2 days until he starts Kindergarten.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Stick-it to Satan
So it really isn't nice to say "stick-it" to someone is it? Well, considering it is Satan I can rationalize it alright within my own personal moral framework. :)
A few weeks ago I told you about my three Jesuses who showed up at my door with a sandwich. Well, that day they "stuck- it" to Satan for me. See, when Satan is after you he stoops low and does seedy, frustrating and cowardly things. I think many of us have come to recognize these attacks on us to be Satan is a very bully-like form. They are particularly apparent that way when we are working extra hard to d and be in tune with God's will. Satan knows we know that and he hopes it will detour us in some way and if we don't see it then he just hopes we blame God instead of turning to God.
I knew Satan was working hard in my life to pull us down emotionally, but even though I knew my emotions and reason were not following, well um, lets call it, God's ideal design for emotions and reason I still couldnt seem to stop that downward spiral on my own. So he sent three sandwich bearers to remind me.
One of my Jesus friends at the door that day holding that delicious sandwich has since, in the last two weeks, lost a family member to death, had to travel a great distance in bad weather with three very small children(one of whom was sick puking at the time) to get to the funeral and 2 days before the funeral another family member was injured in a car accident. Now that they are home and she is finally back around her network of people who love and support her as a mother struggling through this time, there is more illness to go around forcing her to miss all her small group support time. Stupid, stupid Satan!!
Well, this is the same friend that said to me during my oh so low week that I should take the sandwich gesture of friendship and love and take it only in that spirit bc she knew that I would be the first at her door if she were in need.
I don't know if I was first, bc frankly there are a lot of people who love her, but I do think that she made a great point. Sometimes when we are in need for any reason- illness, lost job, troubled marriage, depression, spiritual warfare we find it hard to accept love and generosity from others because we feel guilty or indebted, or maybe even a little bit embarrassed at our own need. It is hard to be humbeled weather it is within our control or out of our control.
I think that is SO Satan! All of those feelings are not from God. God calls us to worship and live and share this life in community with one another. Not so we can ignore each other's need, but so that we can know of it and answer in big ways for God, or smaller ways with a sandwich. When we let our hearts refuse to be humbeled or admit we are in need we deny others the opportunity to let God move in the situation.
Wanna know why my sweet godly friend and her husband are being attacked right now??
Well, they decided to finally take a honeymoon-about ten years late. They saved up for a while and then felt an urging from God that this would not be just any ordinary honeymoon. They committed the money for the honeymoon and their time to God and he led them to a service opportunity in a Liberian orphanage. In five days they will leave there three children with family and head off to Africa for 10 days to serve these children who have no one and on top of everything the last two weeks has already brought them Satan is now busily frustrating their lives and thoughts with stomach bugs, and cleaning up the remnants of stomach bugs from three children, worrying over leaving sick children, all while they attempt to pack and prepare for this massive trip. As I said before, stupid, stupid Satan.
So on my way to a doctors appointment today I felt God urging me to call her husband and find out her favorite coffee. Coffee from one specific coffee house for this friend is a ministry all on its own. It's a relatively warm day here today so it seemed an odd thought, but I called and he called me back and left a message with the exact info I needed. It took me all of 30 seconds to run in and get it and when I arrived at her house she was on the phone with the pediatrician and so I just stuck my hand through the door with the coffee and stated what it was, that I loved her and to call me later.
I had a message a few minutes later on my cell phone explaining that she started her day today with a prayer that she could have a coffee from this particular coffee house today. She didn't say it to anyone and was hoping that her hubbie might bring it home to her, but never asked anyone but God. When I showed up with it she knew, without a doubt, that God had heard his little girl and knew she just needed some encouragement.
It meant so much to me that my friend never said, 'you didn't have to do that' or 'that wasn't necessary.' She looked relieved and just so happy to see that cup of coffee in my hand-that is, once she realized it was for her. :)
I couldn't help but think as I drove off, God just SO stuck- it to Satan...Go God!
Thank you God for giving me friends to bring me sandwiches and for putting someone on my heart. What an unexpected blessing to me. Here I thought I was just making the day of a treasured friend a little easier, when in fact God showed me how seriously He feels about our lives and our happiness, even down to a prayer for coffee on a warm day from a desperate mommy tired of cleaning up puke. He loves them so much and I feel certain He is so proud of what they are doing in His name, and-Donn and Cyndie- we are so proud of you too!
Feels good to help God stick-it to Satan for someone.
A few weeks ago I told you about my three Jesuses who showed up at my door with a sandwich. Well, that day they "stuck- it" to Satan for me. See, when Satan is after you he stoops low and does seedy, frustrating and cowardly things. I think many of us have come to recognize these attacks on us to be Satan is a very bully-like form. They are particularly apparent that way when we are working extra hard to d and be in tune with God's will. Satan knows we know that and he hopes it will detour us in some way and if we don't see it then he just hopes we blame God instead of turning to God.
I knew Satan was working hard in my life to pull us down emotionally, but even though I knew my emotions and reason were not following, well um, lets call it, God's ideal design for emotions and reason I still couldnt seem to stop that downward spiral on my own. So he sent three sandwich bearers to remind me.
One of my Jesus friends at the door that day holding that delicious sandwich has since, in the last two weeks, lost a family member to death, had to travel a great distance in bad weather with three very small children(one of whom was sick puking at the time) to get to the funeral and 2 days before the funeral another family member was injured in a car accident. Now that they are home and she is finally back around her network of people who love and support her as a mother struggling through this time, there is more illness to go around forcing her to miss all her small group support time. Stupid, stupid Satan!!
Well, this is the same friend that said to me during my oh so low week that I should take the sandwich gesture of friendship and love and take it only in that spirit bc she knew that I would be the first at her door if she were in need.
I don't know if I was first, bc frankly there are a lot of people who love her, but I do think that she made a great point. Sometimes when we are in need for any reason- illness, lost job, troubled marriage, depression, spiritual warfare we find it hard to accept love and generosity from others because we feel guilty or indebted, or maybe even a little bit embarrassed at our own need. It is hard to be humbeled weather it is within our control or out of our control.
I think that is SO Satan! All of those feelings are not from God. God calls us to worship and live and share this life in community with one another. Not so we can ignore each other's need, but so that we can know of it and answer in big ways for God, or smaller ways with a sandwich. When we let our hearts refuse to be humbeled or admit we are in need we deny others the opportunity to let God move in the situation.
Wanna know why my sweet godly friend and her husband are being attacked right now??
Well, they decided to finally take a honeymoon-about ten years late. They saved up for a while and then felt an urging from God that this would not be just any ordinary honeymoon. They committed the money for the honeymoon and their time to God and he led them to a service opportunity in a Liberian orphanage. In five days they will leave there three children with family and head off to Africa for 10 days to serve these children who have no one and on top of everything the last two weeks has already brought them Satan is now busily frustrating their lives and thoughts with stomach bugs, and cleaning up the remnants of stomach bugs from three children, worrying over leaving sick children, all while they attempt to pack and prepare for this massive trip. As I said before, stupid, stupid Satan.
So on my way to a doctors appointment today I felt God urging me to call her husband and find out her favorite coffee. Coffee from one specific coffee house for this friend is a ministry all on its own. It's a relatively warm day here today so it seemed an odd thought, but I called and he called me back and left a message with the exact info I needed. It took me all of 30 seconds to run in and get it and when I arrived at her house she was on the phone with the pediatrician and so I just stuck my hand through the door with the coffee and stated what it was, that I loved her and to call me later.
I had a message a few minutes later on my cell phone explaining that she started her day today with a prayer that she could have a coffee from this particular coffee house today. She didn't say it to anyone and was hoping that her hubbie might bring it home to her, but never asked anyone but God. When I showed up with it she knew, without a doubt, that God had heard his little girl and knew she just needed some encouragement.
It meant so much to me that my friend never said, 'you didn't have to do that' or 'that wasn't necessary.' She looked relieved and just so happy to see that cup of coffee in my hand-that is, once she realized it was for her. :)
I couldn't help but think as I drove off, God just SO stuck- it to Satan...Go God!
Thank you God for giving me friends to bring me sandwiches and for putting someone on my heart. What an unexpected blessing to me. Here I thought I was just making the day of a treasured friend a little easier, when in fact God showed me how seriously He feels about our lives and our happiness, even down to a prayer for coffee on a warm day from a desperate mommy tired of cleaning up puke. He loves them so much and I feel certain He is so proud of what they are doing in His name, and-Donn and Cyndie- we are so proud of you too!
Feels good to help God stick-it to Satan for someone.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Survivors Guilt
This doubt this is going to be what you expect so hang in there with me.
I can imagine that 24 hour news stations are struggling right now. Maybe I am wrong, but I know a lot of people who just can't hear any more bad news. They literally can not handle the stress of the reality of our world and our economy.
I know I have had to stop watching just to keep my sanity. I sort of subscribe to the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' mentality, and maybe if we could all tune in to live breaking news coverage of amazing things that people are doing for each other then God would be extraordinarily visible to those people in need right now. Don't really see it happening, however, I think right now if there was ever an opportunity for "good" to get ratings, it is now. How much we could inspire one another.
If we simply can't watch reality news anymore maybe it is time we change our reality and make our own news in our own lives.
Who are those people in need? Well, I think everyones obvious first thought might be people like my family who despite doing everything by the book(both college grads, good job, great devoted employee) are facing unemployment, facing no health care and very real worry and fear over life in general. You might think of my neighbor to the right who also has a family to support and was just layed-off again. You might think of my neighbor to the left who last week had to pack up all his things and leave a home he has owned for nearly 7 years. He has lived in this neighborhood longer than anyone has and he simply knocked on the neighbors door and said good-bye and said I can't afford to live here anymore. So he and his two sons had to leave. I suppose he just couldn't stand to stick around for the looming foreclosure that he knew was breathing down his neck.
I live in a very middle class neighborhood and we have are a very middle class family. I look out my neighborhood and I see dads who have been the soul breadwinner of their families now pushing strollers with toddlers in the middle of the day. While I know they are thrilled to have the time to spend with their children, there is a sense of hopeless and numbness on their faces as they walk around on an otherwise perfect faux spring day in the south. The neighborhood I live in has about 60 houses and at least 30 of them are either unsold, unoccupied, abandoned or foreclosed, all in the last year.
While it breaks my heart, literally, breaks my heart to see hard working well meaning people, men and women, including my own husband, doubting their purpose, their lives and God, these are not the only people in need.
For a lot of people anger is just fear turned outward(I don't know I heard that somewhere, but it kinda makes sense) but nevertheless there are angry people. People are hurting and scared and they are looking for someone, anyone to blame. They maybe blame the boss that layed them off, or the government of before or the government of now, or maybe they blame God. Maybe they are angry at all of those people and maybe they are just angry at people in general.
I have heard the term 'survivors guilt' circulating lately in context of the economy. Survivors guilt is a very real issue. When someone is lost in an accident or natural disaster or tragedy and your life is spared, often times while there is a deep sense of gratitude for your life being saved, or your real love and God given compassion for your fellow man sets in as survivors guilt. I think this is a very real phenomenon right now. The only hesitation I have in using this term is that I don't ever want the word survivors or victims to imply any sort of blame. Someone who might be deemed a "survivor" of the economy right now, is in no way responsible or should carry any guilt for those who are considered "victims" of the state of the economy. Just like in a natural disaster or accident, it often makes no sense why it happened the way it did. We are all in this together.
The person in need I want to tell you about is my neighbor 2 doors down. He is a small business owner that has done well for himself. From the first day I met him it was clear who he gave the glory of his business success to, God!
He's one of those people that you just don't have to talk to him long to really know he loves the Lord. We were out playing in our front yard on this beautiful day today and I saw him home.
I was concerned for our next door neighbor who just disappeared and knowing they were friends I walked down to ask him if he was coming back. Sometimes you know the answers to your own questions. He confirmed that he would not be back that he said he couldn't afford his house anymore. We talked for a few minutes and I think he must have seen my husband playing in the yard with the kids and assumed what had happened. I think out of guilt he confessed to me that he had to lay off four people that week before.
Four people he knew had children, four people he knew he was taking their health insurance and that unemployment wouldn't cut it. Four people that had helped him build his business and had worked with for nine years. He looked up and saw my husband and looked at the house next door and just said, what am I supposed to do, I have three children I have to provide for.
He was tormented with guilt. He was not only taking the guilt of what he had to do to save his business, but he was also taking the burden of all that was around him, feeling like he was the cause of that somehow too. That because he was able to still hang on and make his payments and save his house that somehow it was his guilt to carry. This is a man I know loves the Lord and knows the Lord, but even he was so burdened with guilt he couldn't even see it.
I looked at my neighbor and felt so much compassion for him. Life is not easy for anyone right now and going through a lay off during a time when you know almost no one is hiring is a very scary thing. We cling to God because we know that while the world changes, God is the constant in a very scary world.
I asked my neighbor to remember one thing and that is that the God he loves and serves and the God that protects him and has a plan of good for his life loves him dearly. And- that same God feels the exact same way about the people he had to lay-off and my family and all the other families our there in the same situation. God adores us, he loves us with a passion we can't fathom. God knows that life makes no sense to so many of us and he is always there ready to step up and move in and show himself when called upon and trusted.
I told my neighbor of some of the amazing, practical ways God has shown up for our family and that while it is hard not to be afraid, we trust Him and I promised him that while not everyone saw things that way that many of us who lean on God do not blame the "survivors." That we are, in fact, praying for them too. He just looked at me and smiled and sincerely thank me as he said how much he needed that today. As I walked back to my yard, I couldn't help but think how much I needed that today too.
There are people right now who have been relatively unaffected by the economy. For whatever reason they have a job in a more stable industry that has weathered the storm. I just want to encourage all the perceived victims out there to realize that the perceived survivors are just as scared, just as uncertain about life and quite possibly are carrying a seriously heavy burden of guilt that is not theirs to bare. I went back home and told my husband what our neighbor had said and he just looked at me and said, "I can't imagine how hard that must be."
But sometimes the "perceived" enemy that you think is just living life without any concern or cares is really your next door neighbor hurting and in need of Gods grace, but maybe is so laden with guilt and concern for the consequences of what had to be done that his own life is being tormented and torn to threads.
Victim or Survivor we have to be willing to see God first It is a time when we all, no matter what our resources may be, are giving all we can to one another. If your a victim, as hard as it is swallow your pride, when one of your friends or church members wants to help realize that them helping you may be the only thing that allows them to see God in reality that day. That what they feel for you isn't even close to pity, it is genuine concern and in some cases possibly a heavy burden of guilt.
If your a victim know that the survivors and other victims need you too. You are not incapacitated because of the circumstances. You still have a calling from God to be out there and reaching people. Maybe someone blesses you with a gift card for groceries and you take two bags of groceries to your next door neighbor who has no job either and no church home. God is moving...God can move even now if we let Him. We can stifle God with our anger and fear towards whoever it is we are angry at, or we can be God for one another and hang on tight to Him while the Storm blows.
Survivors have no reason to bare any burden of guilt. The God that loves you and is providing for you, is also doing the same thing for those you may feel responsible for and through the compassion of others and provision He is giving, He might be more amazing and more visible in their lives of people in this country than ever before. Our mighty and powerful God is only limited by our own inability to see the possibilities of what he can do. As a good friend of mine says, We are the only thing that gets in the way of God.
With God, victims of this economy can become Survivors again, but without God, the ones who seem to be the Survivors might in fact be the unseen victims who suffer the greatest in their hearts.
Compassion is a calling to us all and the view from my front porch looking out and looking back inside looks very different right now, but the calling from God and Gods desire to be a part of our lives is exactly the same. There is an opportunity for believers, both economical survivors or victims, right now to see the unseen needs, to help the ignored, as well as many different opportunities to impact lives for Christ. For many people jobs are on the line, homes are on the line, cars are on the line, But most importantly, for so many, faith is on the line. While not all homes can be saved from foreclosure, or cars from being repossessed. While we may not be able to find our best friend a job and we hurt desperately for them; with the God we love and serve behind us we are never helpless. Showing love, compassion and random acts of kindness for the neighbor who may be unfairly receiving the vibes of your anger might feel like a tall order when you are hurting yourself, but Jesus shows by example that compassion and love are always the way to bury evil for good. It may not be an easy task, but it is one you won't regret. You never know your own heart might be melted and changed.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
God has a plan of good for all of us, but maybe part of the plan of good He has for all people who are hurting right now is to be lived out and to witness to one another through compassionate, humble, judgment-free, Christ-like love and service.
Sweet Blessings,
Laurie
I can imagine that 24 hour news stations are struggling right now. Maybe I am wrong, but I know a lot of people who just can't hear any more bad news. They literally can not handle the stress of the reality of our world and our economy.
I know I have had to stop watching just to keep my sanity. I sort of subscribe to the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' mentality, and maybe if we could all tune in to live breaking news coverage of amazing things that people are doing for each other then God would be extraordinarily visible to those people in need right now. Don't really see it happening, however, I think right now if there was ever an opportunity for "good" to get ratings, it is now. How much we could inspire one another.
If we simply can't watch reality news anymore maybe it is time we change our reality and make our own news in our own lives.
Who are those people in need? Well, I think everyones obvious first thought might be people like my family who despite doing everything by the book(both college grads, good job, great devoted employee) are facing unemployment, facing no health care and very real worry and fear over life in general. You might think of my neighbor to the right who also has a family to support and was just layed-off again. You might think of my neighbor to the left who last week had to pack up all his things and leave a home he has owned for nearly 7 years. He has lived in this neighborhood longer than anyone has and he simply knocked on the neighbors door and said good-bye and said I can't afford to live here anymore. So he and his two sons had to leave. I suppose he just couldn't stand to stick around for the looming foreclosure that he knew was breathing down his neck.
I live in a very middle class neighborhood and we have are a very middle class family. I look out my neighborhood and I see dads who have been the soul breadwinner of their families now pushing strollers with toddlers in the middle of the day. While I know they are thrilled to have the time to spend with their children, there is a sense of hopeless and numbness on their faces as they walk around on an otherwise perfect faux spring day in the south. The neighborhood I live in has about 60 houses and at least 30 of them are either unsold, unoccupied, abandoned or foreclosed, all in the last year.
While it breaks my heart, literally, breaks my heart to see hard working well meaning people, men and women, including my own husband, doubting their purpose, their lives and God, these are not the only people in need.
For a lot of people anger is just fear turned outward(I don't know I heard that somewhere, but it kinda makes sense) but nevertheless there are angry people. People are hurting and scared and they are looking for someone, anyone to blame. They maybe blame the boss that layed them off, or the government of before or the government of now, or maybe they blame God. Maybe they are angry at all of those people and maybe they are just angry at people in general.
I have heard the term 'survivors guilt' circulating lately in context of the economy. Survivors guilt is a very real issue. When someone is lost in an accident or natural disaster or tragedy and your life is spared, often times while there is a deep sense of gratitude for your life being saved, or your real love and God given compassion for your fellow man sets in as survivors guilt. I think this is a very real phenomenon right now. The only hesitation I have in using this term is that I don't ever want the word survivors or victims to imply any sort of blame. Someone who might be deemed a "survivor" of the economy right now, is in no way responsible or should carry any guilt for those who are considered "victims" of the state of the economy. Just like in a natural disaster or accident, it often makes no sense why it happened the way it did. We are all in this together.
The person in need I want to tell you about is my neighbor 2 doors down. He is a small business owner that has done well for himself. From the first day I met him it was clear who he gave the glory of his business success to, God!
He's one of those people that you just don't have to talk to him long to really know he loves the Lord. We were out playing in our front yard on this beautiful day today and I saw him home.
I was concerned for our next door neighbor who just disappeared and knowing they were friends I walked down to ask him if he was coming back. Sometimes you know the answers to your own questions. He confirmed that he would not be back that he said he couldn't afford his house anymore. We talked for a few minutes and I think he must have seen my husband playing in the yard with the kids and assumed what had happened. I think out of guilt he confessed to me that he had to lay off four people that week before.
Four people he knew had children, four people he knew he was taking their health insurance and that unemployment wouldn't cut it. Four people that had helped him build his business and had worked with for nine years. He looked up and saw my husband and looked at the house next door and just said, what am I supposed to do, I have three children I have to provide for.
He was tormented with guilt. He was not only taking the guilt of what he had to do to save his business, but he was also taking the burden of all that was around him, feeling like he was the cause of that somehow too. That because he was able to still hang on and make his payments and save his house that somehow it was his guilt to carry. This is a man I know loves the Lord and knows the Lord, but even he was so burdened with guilt he couldn't even see it.
I looked at my neighbor and felt so much compassion for him. Life is not easy for anyone right now and going through a lay off during a time when you know almost no one is hiring is a very scary thing. We cling to God because we know that while the world changes, God is the constant in a very scary world.
I asked my neighbor to remember one thing and that is that the God he loves and serves and the God that protects him and has a plan of good for his life loves him dearly. And- that same God feels the exact same way about the people he had to lay-off and my family and all the other families our there in the same situation. God adores us, he loves us with a passion we can't fathom. God knows that life makes no sense to so many of us and he is always there ready to step up and move in and show himself when called upon and trusted.
I told my neighbor of some of the amazing, practical ways God has shown up for our family and that while it is hard not to be afraid, we trust Him and I promised him that while not everyone saw things that way that many of us who lean on God do not blame the "survivors." That we are, in fact, praying for them too. He just looked at me and smiled and sincerely thank me as he said how much he needed that today. As I walked back to my yard, I couldn't help but think how much I needed that today too.
There are people right now who have been relatively unaffected by the economy. For whatever reason they have a job in a more stable industry that has weathered the storm. I just want to encourage all the perceived victims out there to realize that the perceived survivors are just as scared, just as uncertain about life and quite possibly are carrying a seriously heavy burden of guilt that is not theirs to bare. I went back home and told my husband what our neighbor had said and he just looked at me and said, "I can't imagine how hard that must be."
But sometimes the "perceived" enemy that you think is just living life without any concern or cares is really your next door neighbor hurting and in need of Gods grace, but maybe is so laden with guilt and concern for the consequences of what had to be done that his own life is being tormented and torn to threads.
Victim or Survivor we have to be willing to see God first It is a time when we all, no matter what our resources may be, are giving all we can to one another. If your a victim, as hard as it is swallow your pride, when one of your friends or church members wants to help realize that them helping you may be the only thing that allows them to see God in reality that day. That what they feel for you isn't even close to pity, it is genuine concern and in some cases possibly a heavy burden of guilt.
If your a victim know that the survivors and other victims need you too. You are not incapacitated because of the circumstances. You still have a calling from God to be out there and reaching people. Maybe someone blesses you with a gift card for groceries and you take two bags of groceries to your next door neighbor who has no job either and no church home. God is moving...God can move even now if we let Him. We can stifle God with our anger and fear towards whoever it is we are angry at, or we can be God for one another and hang on tight to Him while the Storm blows.
Survivors have no reason to bare any burden of guilt. The God that loves you and is providing for you, is also doing the same thing for those you may feel responsible for and through the compassion of others and provision He is giving, He might be more amazing and more visible in their lives of people in this country than ever before. Our mighty and powerful God is only limited by our own inability to see the possibilities of what he can do. As a good friend of mine says, We are the only thing that gets in the way of God.
With God, victims of this economy can become Survivors again, but without God, the ones who seem to be the Survivors might in fact be the unseen victims who suffer the greatest in their hearts.
Compassion is a calling to us all and the view from my front porch looking out and looking back inside looks very different right now, but the calling from God and Gods desire to be a part of our lives is exactly the same. There is an opportunity for believers, both economical survivors or victims, right now to see the unseen needs, to help the ignored, as well as many different opportunities to impact lives for Christ. For many people jobs are on the line, homes are on the line, cars are on the line, But most importantly, for so many, faith is on the line. While not all homes can be saved from foreclosure, or cars from being repossessed. While we may not be able to find our best friend a job and we hurt desperately for them; with the God we love and serve behind us we are never helpless. Showing love, compassion and random acts of kindness for the neighbor who may be unfairly receiving the vibes of your anger might feel like a tall order when you are hurting yourself, but Jesus shows by example that compassion and love are always the way to bury evil for good. It may not be an easy task, but it is one you won't regret. You never know your own heart might be melted and changed.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
God has a plan of good for all of us, but maybe part of the plan of good He has for all people who are hurting right now is to be lived out and to witness to one another through compassionate, humble, judgment-free, Christ-like love and service.
Sweet Blessings,
Laurie
Monday, February 2, 2009
The dry erase board
I am a organizational nut. I am one of those people that, while my house is almost never clean anymore, I have a designated place and spot for everything under the sun. And most likely, it is labeled.
I like order, and while I do not mind change, I like to be able to sit and fully plan something and have the change completely ordered in my mind and most likely also in list format, before it happens. So, not unlike many other organizational freaks I have a central family calendar, which allows us to see what is happening for he entire month for everyone. This dry erase board lets me color code for different people and change appointments with ease. It allows everyone in the family equal access to the plan for the day and gives me great comfort as we all check in with our day before we head off.
I love the month change, for the same reason I love New Years. I get out my daytimer and write on there everything that is coming up for the new month. I know I am a dork.
One thing I do not do is leave up the days past. So if there are 2 days left in the month only 2 days are on the calender. Every night I walk into the kitchen and as I set our house alarm and turn off the downstairs lights I reach over and with my bare finger I erase the day. I have done this every single day for the past 5 years since I have had this same board. Hey, few things have that kind of longevity, but when you find something that works you gotta stick with it.
For some reason last night it seemed as though I was erasing in slow motion. It was after midnight and the dim light of the kitchen made my finger seem to more in slow motion with almost a sort of comet trail essence. I stopped for a minute reflecting on the day. So many things about this day had been so good. But my heart has been in a bad place lately. I have been struggling with many challenges and I have been spiritual withdrawn and frankly exhausted.
Another day...I thought...Another day-Gone!
I know for a fact that I did absolutely nothing today to glorify God and this day has just been wiped away, never to return.
I know, it is all a little depressing sounding. But what hit me was the symbolism behind my action.
My plans, my calender, my day, my finger...all of the things about that day and unfortunately, so many days, were about me. And it was my finger that wiped that day away. This day was truly gone and it was fruitless. By my own hand I planned the day, wrote it out and then wiped away any possibility for God to use me. Not everyday is fruitless...some days I am better than my typical self and hopefully God is able to do something with me, but for the most part there is little room on that calender for Gods plans.
I wonder what would happen if I actually wrote "God's work" on my dry erase calender. I wonder if I would be more likely to check in with Him and serve for Him. I wonder if I might leave a day or week or maybe just one hour to spend looking for the person who God knew needed some Christ tangibly right before them. I wonder how hard it would be to erase God off my calender knowing I didn't even try to do His work.
Some great amazing people showed up at my door today. I had my hair wrapped in a turban as I had just gotten out of the shower and my house was a complete disaster. No kidding- you can ask them. Total disaster!
They knew I had been having a tough time and they showed up for me. And they brought me a sandwich...a really yummy sandwich. I was in no way hospitable. I mean I was glad to see them and deeply touched by their gift of time to me.
But I realized after they left I never even offered them a drink or a chair. But they didn't care...they immediately went right about the business of loving me and nurturing me. They over looked my mess and did not ask for a thing while they were here. They came only to show me Christ today.
They knew I had a need and while they may not be able to change the situation, their act of friendship was able to start changing my perspective of where God was in the situation. Don't I have amazing friends! Their visit not only changed the course for my day, but actually changed my heart. Struggles are still there, but my three little adorable Christ look alikes standing in my doorway with their yummy ten foot long sandwich has been the image in my mind all day, rather than the emptiness that was there before.
I hope that tomorrow I can do that intentionally for someone else. I think I should write it in!
Sweet Blessings,
Laurie
I like order, and while I do not mind change, I like to be able to sit and fully plan something and have the change completely ordered in my mind and most likely also in list format, before it happens. So, not unlike many other organizational freaks I have a central family calendar, which allows us to see what is happening for he entire month for everyone. This dry erase board lets me color code for different people and change appointments with ease. It allows everyone in the family equal access to the plan for the day and gives me great comfort as we all check in with our day before we head off.
I love the month change, for the same reason I love New Years. I get out my daytimer and write on there everything that is coming up for the new month. I know I am a dork.
One thing I do not do is leave up the days past. So if there are 2 days left in the month only 2 days are on the calender. Every night I walk into the kitchen and as I set our house alarm and turn off the downstairs lights I reach over and with my bare finger I erase the day. I have done this every single day for the past 5 years since I have had this same board. Hey, few things have that kind of longevity, but when you find something that works you gotta stick with it.
For some reason last night it seemed as though I was erasing in slow motion. It was after midnight and the dim light of the kitchen made my finger seem to more in slow motion with almost a sort of comet trail essence. I stopped for a minute reflecting on the day. So many things about this day had been so good. But my heart has been in a bad place lately. I have been struggling with many challenges and I have been spiritual withdrawn and frankly exhausted.
Another day...I thought...Another day-Gone!
I know for a fact that I did absolutely nothing today to glorify God and this day has just been wiped away, never to return.
I know, it is all a little depressing sounding. But what hit me was the symbolism behind my action.
My plans, my calender, my day, my finger...all of the things about that day and unfortunately, so many days, were about me. And it was my finger that wiped that day away. This day was truly gone and it was fruitless. By my own hand I planned the day, wrote it out and then wiped away any possibility for God to use me. Not everyday is fruitless...some days I am better than my typical self and hopefully God is able to do something with me, but for the most part there is little room on that calender for Gods plans.
I wonder what would happen if I actually wrote "God's work" on my dry erase calender. I wonder if I would be more likely to check in with Him and serve for Him. I wonder if I might leave a day or week or maybe just one hour to spend looking for the person who God knew needed some Christ tangibly right before them. I wonder how hard it would be to erase God off my calender knowing I didn't even try to do His work.
Some great amazing people showed up at my door today. I had my hair wrapped in a turban as I had just gotten out of the shower and my house was a complete disaster. No kidding- you can ask them. Total disaster!
They knew I had been having a tough time and they showed up for me. And they brought me a sandwich...a really yummy sandwich. I was in no way hospitable. I mean I was glad to see them and deeply touched by their gift of time to me.
But I realized after they left I never even offered them a drink or a chair. But they didn't care...they immediately went right about the business of loving me and nurturing me. They over looked my mess and did not ask for a thing while they were here. They came only to show me Christ today.
They knew I had a need and while they may not be able to change the situation, their act of friendship was able to start changing my perspective of where God was in the situation. Don't I have amazing friends! Their visit not only changed the course for my day, but actually changed my heart. Struggles are still there, but my three little adorable Christ look alikes standing in my doorway with their yummy ten foot long sandwich has been the image in my mind all day, rather than the emptiness that was there before.
I hope that tomorrow I can do that intentionally for someone else. I think I should write it in!
Sweet Blessings,
Laurie
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Just enough to get by
Knowing the economic crisis is what it is, you might think by my title that this is about getting by financially.
Nope!
God called me to something a year ago. He called me and my husband and after a lot of prayer and some major "God moments," we answered with our commitment.
We joined a foster care certification class. We actually want to adopt...well, we actually feel led to adopt a little girl from the foster care system. We feel that God is telling us she will be less than 2-years-old, but we don't know that for sure.
Last Jan we started our class and in March we finished. In April we started our home study and in May we were certified by the state of NC to be foster care parents for up to two children(we already have three biological children). All last year we were anxious and excited, yet patient with the thought of "That Call" could come at any moment.
We were pleased with the fact that everything for us in this process had gone super smooth. Our kids were excited about the possibility of having a sister. We always told them that it would happen only if it was God's desire for us and they have always been very peaceful about that.
It is hard to not be peaceful when you have three perfect children. We felt God was calling us to this, but if we misunderstood, we knew we would be okay with that. This was for Him, His beckoning and we were glad to answer and excited about the possibility.
The later part of the year took its toll on many of us and like so many others my husband lost his job.
Peace! Total peace!
God never for one second left us and we knew he had a purpose. But, we still had to make a difficult call. We had to call the agency we had been working through to let them know we were no longer suitable foster care parents and why. They were so understanding as we were not the first to call with that news. They had heard it from many other potential adoptive parents.
Holidays come and passed. Husband gets a new job(PRAISE GOD) and life begins to set its course back to normal.
But we never made that call back.
God called upon us to be committed to Him and be ready to act if He were to ask. Now, even though we were back to being suitable foster care/adoptive parents no one knew because we didn't call.
Feeling a little guilty, but allowing my worries and fears over the economy and insecurity of a new job to reign in my mind, I chose to email the agency instead of call. This was a conscious decision to just get by, almost hoping they wouldn't get it right away. I knew God was asking me to act again, but in my own fears I acted the way I was comfortable with, instead of the way I should have.
2 weeks passes and I am feeling God's breath so heavy on my heart over this non-committal effort I had given, so I picked up the phone...but I waited until after hours and left a voice mail in the general box and told them that things were back to normal, at least as normal as this economy would allow.
Another two weeks would pass and again the full knowledge of my half-hearted attempt to follow God's prompting was just about all I could think about. I was afraid...what if we were given a child and this all happened again, or something worse...would they take her away?
God literally laid a burden on my heart so heavy regarding my disobedient and honestly, untrustworthy and manipulative spirit and one morning while driving to church the Holy Spirit spoke so loudly in my heart as to what I knew I was supposed to do that I grabbed my phone without even thinking and dialed the number. My sweet foster care class teacher answered.
All my fears were gone melted as our conversation continued. I told her about the email and the message, but then I said that I just felt that God said I needed to speak to someone. She thanked me and told me that they had not known our situation had changed and she was glad I called.
I still don't know if God desires for us to complete our family this way or if our family is already complete. But I do know Satan wanted me to be afraid and wanted me to forget what God has promised those who are faithful to Him. He wanted me to be content with just enough. This may have been less an act of God's path for us and more about my obedience to Him.
Had I taken any time during that month to give to God what had been worrying me I know He would have faithfully provided me peace and answers in his right timing. I know that in prayer I can honestly discern his will and not be sidetracked by fear. My 'get-by' commitment was nothing more than evidence of my desire to not give it to God because I was scared of what His answer might be.
If there is something in your life that you are withholding from God for any reason at all. Don't be scared, don't let Satan tell you lies...
God says...
"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord. "Plans only to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
No matter how scary life's issues may be, my God loves me so much that he only has plans to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future.
Who knows, now that we have released this to Him, maybe there is a little girl out there whose hope and future includes us.
Sweet Blessings
Nope!
God called me to something a year ago. He called me and my husband and after a lot of prayer and some major "God moments," we answered with our commitment.
We joined a foster care certification class. We actually want to adopt...well, we actually feel led to adopt a little girl from the foster care system. We feel that God is telling us she will be less than 2-years-old, but we don't know that for sure.
Last Jan we started our class and in March we finished. In April we started our home study and in May we were certified by the state of NC to be foster care parents for up to two children(we already have three biological children). All last year we were anxious and excited, yet patient with the thought of "That Call" could come at any moment.
We were pleased with the fact that everything for us in this process had gone super smooth. Our kids were excited about the possibility of having a sister. We always told them that it would happen only if it was God's desire for us and they have always been very peaceful about that.
It is hard to not be peaceful when you have three perfect children. We felt God was calling us to this, but if we misunderstood, we knew we would be okay with that. This was for Him, His beckoning and we were glad to answer and excited about the possibility.
The later part of the year took its toll on many of us and like so many others my husband lost his job.
Peace! Total peace!
God never for one second left us and we knew he had a purpose. But, we still had to make a difficult call. We had to call the agency we had been working through to let them know we were no longer suitable foster care parents and why. They were so understanding as we were not the first to call with that news. They had heard it from many other potential adoptive parents.
Holidays come and passed. Husband gets a new job(PRAISE GOD) and life begins to set its course back to normal.
But we never made that call back.
God called upon us to be committed to Him and be ready to act if He were to ask. Now, even though we were back to being suitable foster care/adoptive parents no one knew because we didn't call.
Feeling a little guilty, but allowing my worries and fears over the economy and insecurity of a new job to reign in my mind, I chose to email the agency instead of call. This was a conscious decision to just get by, almost hoping they wouldn't get it right away. I knew God was asking me to act again, but in my own fears I acted the way I was comfortable with, instead of the way I should have.
2 weeks passes and I am feeling God's breath so heavy on my heart over this non-committal effort I had given, so I picked up the phone...but I waited until after hours and left a voice mail in the general box and told them that things were back to normal, at least as normal as this economy would allow.
Another two weeks would pass and again the full knowledge of my half-hearted attempt to follow God's prompting was just about all I could think about. I was afraid...what if we were given a child and this all happened again, or something worse...would they take her away?
God literally laid a burden on my heart so heavy regarding my disobedient and honestly, untrustworthy and manipulative spirit and one morning while driving to church the Holy Spirit spoke so loudly in my heart as to what I knew I was supposed to do that I grabbed my phone without even thinking and dialed the number. My sweet foster care class teacher answered.
All my fears were gone melted as our conversation continued. I told her about the email and the message, but then I said that I just felt that God said I needed to speak to someone. She thanked me and told me that they had not known our situation had changed and she was glad I called.
I still don't know if God desires for us to complete our family this way or if our family is already complete. But I do know Satan wanted me to be afraid and wanted me to forget what God has promised those who are faithful to Him. He wanted me to be content with just enough. This may have been less an act of God's path for us and more about my obedience to Him.
Had I taken any time during that month to give to God what had been worrying me I know He would have faithfully provided me peace and answers in his right timing. I know that in prayer I can honestly discern his will and not be sidetracked by fear. My 'get-by' commitment was nothing more than evidence of my desire to not give it to God because I was scared of what His answer might be.
If there is something in your life that you are withholding from God for any reason at all. Don't be scared, don't let Satan tell you lies...
God says...
"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord. "Plans only to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
No matter how scary life's issues may be, my God loves me so much that he only has plans to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future.
Who knows, now that we have released this to Him, maybe there is a little girl out there whose hope and future includes us.
Sweet Blessings
Friday, January 23, 2009
A tiny presence
We have an ant. This one tiny little ant lives in our downstairs bathroom. Now really, who wants ants in their house? I dislike ants...every year I fight off the trail that finds their way into my kitchen on the hottest day of the year. Never fails- they find one tiny little crack in the caulking by the back door and you come downstairs just as they are having a crumb buffet in the middle of the floor.
So annoying...
You may be asking yourself, then why, do you have an ant in your bathroom and know about it? My youngest son is almost 3 and last summer as the yearly parade made its way in and swiftly we escorted them back out and caulked the door, again,, my little then just 2-year-old would help me look for stray ants. You know, those stubborn ones that you will find off by themselves hours and even days later.
He was so adorably cute squatted down with his head low to the ground, looking so intently that his eyes would almost cross. He was "ant hunting." Over the next few weeks, despite the fact that we had the ant problem well under control, he would still crawl along the floor searching for ants. One day many weeks later he found an ant in the downstairs bathroom, which is only a few feet from our kitchen. He started yelling for me and I casually blew it off and said oh let him be, as I honestly didn't have time to deal with it at that moment. I knew the ant would eventually find its way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen looking for food and I could, well, ahemm, dispose of it.
The ant was temporarily spared.
Later I thought about that ant and knowing that I had not seen it in the kitchen, I too went ant hunting, but it was no where to be found. Lucky thing. Spared once again.
This would go on for weeks. Jaxon would find the ant and by the time I would get to it it was out of sight. Because I too had seen the ant I totally believed him when he would yell that his ant was back.
Fast forwarded a few months and Jaxon now calls this ant his ant buddy. It seriously is like a pet.
As weird as it sounds, when nature calls, I will look by the crease of wall right behind the door and about half of the time there will be Jaxon's little buddy. Maybe the ant knows now that it is safe. No one intends to reroute him or "dispose" of him. Honestly, as much as I know it is not your average pet, this little ant is a tiny little consistent presence and reminder to me that just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.
There are even days that when I visit the restroom I find myself a little disappointed that my little reminder is no where to be found.
Yesterday I had a moment. This was a moment of doubt in which I felt that my little tiny impact just wasn't meaning anything. I know my kids love me and I know my husband loves me and I absolutely know God loves me, but honestly, who am I? I am just one person. I am a no one. Why am I trying so hard? Who is it really affecting?
Just as I was sitting with my head in my hands and feeling lost and even a tiny bit hopeless in prayer, I looked up and, you guessed it, there was my little ant crawling towards me across the floor. I was never so happy to see an ant. This little ant helped me dry the tears and find the strength to believe that somewhere within that tiny little creation of God was God. That ant was God for me yesterday.
We may seem so small, so insignificant because we are fighting off the lies that Satan likes to tell us. He plays on our low self-esteem moments and uses those times to try and convince us that our cause is pointless, fruitless, wasted. We might as well just go sit and watch TV rather than open our Bible. We might as well blow off an important servant leader meeting at church or a volunteer commitment because we are nothing but little tiny ants who can't make a difference, not a real difference. Satan would love it if we would believe him, as he has everything to loose if we don't.
Next time Satan starts whispering in your ear that your service, your time, your commitment, your walk is meaningless, close you eyes and visualize your self literally being filled with God from head to toe.
Because when you allow yourself to be a vessel for God, it's not you they see, its Him!
Just because you can't see the immediate fruit of your effort, or even ever, don't doubt that it is there.
The ant is safe.
Sweet Blessings,
Laurie
So annoying...
You may be asking yourself, then why, do you have an ant in your bathroom and know about it? My youngest son is almost 3 and last summer as the yearly parade made its way in and swiftly we escorted them back out and caulked the door, again,, my little then just 2-year-old would help me look for stray ants. You know, those stubborn ones that you will find off by themselves hours and even days later.
He was so adorably cute squatted down with his head low to the ground, looking so intently that his eyes would almost cross. He was "ant hunting." Over the next few weeks, despite the fact that we had the ant problem well under control, he would still crawl along the floor searching for ants. One day many weeks later he found an ant in the downstairs bathroom, which is only a few feet from our kitchen. He started yelling for me and I casually blew it off and said oh let him be, as I honestly didn't have time to deal with it at that moment. I knew the ant would eventually find its way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen looking for food and I could, well, ahemm, dispose of it.
The ant was temporarily spared.
Later I thought about that ant and knowing that I had not seen it in the kitchen, I too went ant hunting, but it was no where to be found. Lucky thing. Spared once again.
This would go on for weeks. Jaxon would find the ant and by the time I would get to it it was out of sight. Because I too had seen the ant I totally believed him when he would yell that his ant was back.
Fast forwarded a few months and Jaxon now calls this ant his ant buddy. It seriously is like a pet.
As weird as it sounds, when nature calls, I will look by the crease of wall right behind the door and about half of the time there will be Jaxon's little buddy. Maybe the ant knows now that it is safe. No one intends to reroute him or "dispose" of him. Honestly, as much as I know it is not your average pet, this little ant is a tiny little consistent presence and reminder to me that just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.
There are even days that when I visit the restroom I find myself a little disappointed that my little reminder is no where to be found.
Yesterday I had a moment. This was a moment of doubt in which I felt that my little tiny impact just wasn't meaning anything. I know my kids love me and I know my husband loves me and I absolutely know God loves me, but honestly, who am I? I am just one person. I am a no one. Why am I trying so hard? Who is it really affecting?
Just as I was sitting with my head in my hands and feeling lost and even a tiny bit hopeless in prayer, I looked up and, you guessed it, there was my little ant crawling towards me across the floor. I was never so happy to see an ant. This little ant helped me dry the tears and find the strength to believe that somewhere within that tiny little creation of God was God. That ant was God for me yesterday.
We may seem so small, so insignificant because we are fighting off the lies that Satan likes to tell us. He plays on our low self-esteem moments and uses those times to try and convince us that our cause is pointless, fruitless, wasted. We might as well just go sit and watch TV rather than open our Bible. We might as well blow off an important servant leader meeting at church or a volunteer commitment because we are nothing but little tiny ants who can't make a difference, not a real difference. Satan would love it if we would believe him, as he has everything to loose if we don't.
Next time Satan starts whispering in your ear that your service, your time, your commitment, your walk is meaningless, close you eyes and visualize your self literally being filled with God from head to toe.
Because when you allow yourself to be a vessel for God, it's not you they see, its Him!
Just because you can't see the immediate fruit of your effort, or even ever, don't doubt that it is there.
The ant is safe.
Sweet Blessings,
Laurie
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